Nope! What?

Here is a bit of the randomness in my life right now...

We were given a dog a few weeks ago. I didn't want a dog. I don't want the responsibility of training, feeding, bathing, cleaning up after, and the keeping alive of a small furry creature. I took her in anyway. The poor thing was being abused by some heartless bastard and I couldn't very well look at her pitiful face and say "get that thing out of here" now could I? Nope! So we have a dog now. She is really sweet actually and spends most of her time laying at my side or at my heels. I din't want a dog, but I love the wretched beast and am glad to have her.

Dog is killing me right now! I know, really random since I just said I'm glad to have her. We've given her plenty of toys to play with and she keeps sneaking them all outside and then sits inside looking pitiful because she has nothing to play with. We have a doggy door and she is making good use of it as a portal for toys (both hers and Tots) to the land of the lost. Ok, she isn't really killing me with this, but she is annoying the crap out of me.

Anyone else hate the new BK breakfast commercials? The flute guy creeps me out. Seriously! He is frightening, take him away!!!

Tot has taken up singing the BK breakfast song. It leaves me confused when he does it. You see, the line that he sings is "I'm hungry, I'm hungry". He will sometimes add the "I'm going to burger king" at the end, but mostly it is just the part about being hungry. So naturally, when he sings it I think he is hungry and asking for food. I ask him what he wants to eat and he tells me he isn't hungry. What? A few days of that and him actually adding the end of the song and I finally figured it out. All is well, or at least it was. Now he has decided to sing it when he is hungry but of course I think he is just singing the song. Then he gets ticked off because I am not getting him food. I just never know. Thanks BK! You've given a 5yo with a serious speech delay accompanied by a very limited vocabulary a new way to baffle and annoy his mother!

Speaking of Tot's limited vocabulary, I have added a few negative words to the small list. I am not proud of myself. I have road rage. Like the... if it wouldn't get me into legal trouble and damage my own car, i would totally rear-end someone who pissed me off in traffic... kinda road-rage. Since I can't do that, I cuss at people. A lot! Tot, who really only started to speak around the age of 4 and was close to 5 by the time he could form a full sentence, can now correctly use the word "bastard" and the phrase "damn it" in a sentence. Yes, he totally uses them in the correct context. I know, I know... I said I was not proud of myself! Right now I am just trying to be grateful that he isn't repeating the really bad words. Oh! and I am also trying not to cuss but that is a tough one when I am road-raging.

week 7

I am now into week seven of my first two college courses. That is seven out of a total of nine. It is a little bit exciting and a lotta bit (lotta bit is a very Tot thing to say) frightening to be approaching the end. Exciting because I will be able to say that I have actually say I have completed a college course, well two actually. However, it is also frightening because I have to worry about the final exams coming up. I did great on the midterms but now I am adding another five weeks of information on top of those first four weeks information and have to actually remember it all. Yikes! I am not concerned with passing so much as I am with getting the high grades I expect of myself. As of now I have a 95% in one class and a 99% in the other. Finishing above a 90% and hopefully above a 95% in both classes is what I really want and expect from myself. So.... that makes me nervous about the finals.

My other big concern right now is that I have become SO bored with both classes. Well, SO bored with one of them, and a little bored with the other. I am glad I will be done with them in just a few weeks. Then again I am a bit nervous about facing new courses and new instructors and not knowing what to expect. The class I am most bored with is some lame course on university studies that amounts to nothing but is required of all new students. It is basically to teach you study habits and how to deal with stress. The class just keeps focusing on the same things over and over and over again. Even the discussion questions seem to be the same questions slightly rephrased. How many different ways can I answer what my motivators are and which study methods I find most helpful?!? B O R I N G ! The other class is a health class that is at least somewhat interesting but the past couple weeks have been on sexual health. Not a favorite subject for the wife of a sex addict! Although if they actually covered sex addiction at least it might make it more interesting for me and I probably wouldn't even need to read the textbook to answer the questions!

Right now I should be reading and answering discussion questions for both classes but I just can't focus on it all right now. I've been at it for about two hours and my mind keeps screaming at me to stop. I haven't had much focus on those two hours and haven't gotten much actually accomplished. I really just can't take it anymore. So here I am taking a much needed, but not very wise break from it all. I really need the time Tot is at preschool to do the work but I just cannot focus anymore. It will be a late night studying instead I guess.

I have so very many things on my mind that I need to sort through and get it all out. Maybe I will keep avoiding the coursework and get some things written and set to post this week. Sounds better than reading about contraception or study habits, that is for sure!

Evil comes in many forms

Hurray! It is Saturday. Know what that means? It means the kids are home to drive me insane, but that is not what I am referring to. I am talking Centus time! Saturday Centus is a themed writing meme in which you are given a new prompt each week. You can use UP to 100 words to tell your story. The prompt does not count for your 100 words AND it must be left intact in the body of your story.

I love Halloween and so I am so far enjoying the prompts of October! Below is my entry for the week. Prompt is in color.

I’d turned out all the lights and sat huddled down beside the couch, desperate to stay below line of sight. They were coming and I knew it. Those horrible hobgoblins were going to arrive at any moment. I couldn’t face them. I wasn’t ready. They would come and they would take and take and take, showing no mercy.

The doorbell rang. There is no way I am going to answer that door.

A muffled, “Trick or treat,” came through. Only kids!

"Trick or treat!" they shouted as the door opened...
No! They had indeed tricked me! It was them, the hobgoblins. Evil bill collectors!

and we all come crashing back down to the bottom!

Today was a really stressful day and the stress of it is going to be stretching on for awhile.

It really all started back in March. Dot was arrested for possessing marijuana at school. She had never done anything like that before and hasn't done anything like that since. Honestly she has never been in any kind of trouble ever! This was all due to the influence of some new friend of hers. A friend who she is no longer allowed to hang out with.

Anyway....

A little after nine this morning there was a knock at the door. I answered it and it was someone from the sheriff's office delivering a subpoena. After five freaking months they have decided to press charges. I thought this was all a thing of the past, over and done with. I had no clue that they could take so long to take this action. Turns out they actually had two years. Ridiculous! I really didn't think anything more was going to come of this. She went to an addiction counselor (required by the school in order to get back in) who agreed that this was a one time event that she was extremely likely never to repeat. She had to do a one day education seminar about drugs. The counselor recommended that because he had to recommend something and he said that was really all she needed. So, I really thought this was over. Wrong!

I don't want Dot to have to go to juvenile detention for one stupid mistake!

Now, what makes it even worse is that I was also subpoenaed.

Turns out that when kids go to juvie here they make the parents pay child support! What kind of bullshit is that??? I am going to be punished for something I had nothing to do with. Hell, it didn't even happen on my weekend, it happened on her father's. I had already decided that the new friend was bad news and wasn't going to let Dot hang out with her anymore. Her father is the one that let her go hang out with her! Dot was arrested on one his days as well. I'm not saying it is really his fault either, because the fault really must fall on her. It was her stupid choice. But, I do think he should have been a more responsible parent.

I am struggling with the fact that I was subpoenaed and her father wasn't. He was the one that went to the school and then down to the police station and picked her up. So why do they have my information? His phone number is listed, but it has my name and address. This is total bullshit! I could understand if it listed us both, afterall we have shared custody, so that would sort of make sense. I can't understand why it only lists me though. I am thinking he intentionally listed my information at the police station. Totally something he would do!

This is just more shit I don't need in my life.

I don't have any experience with this kind of crap. Nobody in my family has ever been in trouble with the law. Everyone in his family has! That includes him, his sister, his brother, and yes even his mother! He would be way more prepared for dealing with this type of thing than me.

I don't have money for a lawyer and I don't know if he will be willing to pay for one. So Dot may be stuck with a court appointed lawyer. If they are anything like the lawyers from Legal Services (who i used in the horrible mess of a custody battle that was an epic failure for me due to the joke of a lawyer i had)... well then, Dot is royally screwed.

I have to make some calls tomorrow and figure out what the hell we are supposed to do. I am seriously clueless!

Take my hammer...please

Saturday Centus is a themed writing meme in which you are given a prompt each week. You can use UP to 100 words to tell your story. The prompt does not count for your 100 words AND it must be left intact in the body of your story.

This week's prompt is If I had a hammer.
I had two things I wanted to do with the prompt this week. Here is #1:

If I had a hammer I could finally hang those pictures on the wall.
If I had a hammer I could build a dog house for this mingy mutt.
If I had a hammer I could fix that broken cabinet in the garage.
If I had a hammer I could build myself the bookshelves I have been wanting for years.
If I had a hammer I could repair that busted toy box.
If I had a hammer I could get a lot of work done around this place.
If I had a hammer I wouldn't be sitting here eating these chips and watching this movie.
hmmmm.....

I am really, really glad I don't have a hammer.



and here is #2 and this one is a true story:


All the other kids were singing pop songs. That wasn’t going to get them anywhere with our music teacher. I was smarter; I chose a song she loved. She must love it since she made us sing it everyday since first grade.

When it was my turn I belted it out. “If I had a hammer I would fly to the state where a man could walk a mile high.” It was perfect, even Simon would have loved it. If American Idol existed in 1982 that is.

I got the lead part in the musical alright…

but she made me lip-sync all the musical numbers.



edit: it should be noted that while those are the words I sang, I believe I had mixed up two totally different songs when I sang them, creating lyrical nonsense. i think the teacher just felt a mighty sense of pity for poor cunfused kid i was

Pie

I am making myself find the time to take part in Saturday Centus this week. If you want to know why I need to make myself, just read my last post. I won't bore you with the details here.

Saturday Centus is a themed writing meme hosted by Jenny Matlock. You can use UP to 100 words to tell your story. Normally we are given a prompt to use within the story, but this week is different. This week our prompt is a photo.





They lay before me like little orange soldiers in some crazy army. Hundreds of bright orange gourds lined up, waiting, trying to impress. Each of them waiting to be chosen as best.
Over here they seemed to call. Choose me! I am the biggest called one from the right. I am the brightest called a little one from the center. I am the perfect shape screamed one from the left. Each of them had something to say, some reason to call themself best.
You don’t want to be chosen I tried to tell them. The oven is hot.

Lost

Life has been insanely busy. It is my own fault. Tired of never having anything to do or anywhere to be I went a bit overboard in trying to remedy the problem.

As I mentioned, I started college courses online. Time consuming, but going well. The online school works like this: I take 2 courses at a time for 9 weeks. Then I jump right into another 2 courses for 9 more weeks. If all goes well, I earn my associates degree in around 18 months rather than 2 years. So far things are indeed going well. Just had midterms for my first 2 classes. I missed only 2 answers on one test and only 1 on the other. Big boost for my self-confidence! I was stressed out over the idea of taking a test for the first time in twenty years and spent way more time than was really necessary studying for those tests. Last week was spent in a haze of studying and keeping up with my family and household. Ok, truth be told I didn't keep up with the housework. This place is an absolute mess! I thought I would get around to cleaning today, but I have come down with something and have zero energy for cleaning.

It is going to be a frozen dinner kind of night around here tonight! The dishes are all dirty and there really isn't anything to cook anyway. I haven't had a chance to shop for groceries either. Nobody wants my germs in their food anyway.

In my quest to find myself something to do other than sit around the house feeling depressed I volunteered to work in the Sunday school at church, signed up for a book club, joined a mom's group, and joined a women's bible study group. Ya! All that on top of college courses and everyday responsibilities. It is too much. I've dropped the book club. I actually want to drop the Sunday school thing too. I feel like I really can't though. They were so in need of help and were really grateful that I volunteered. I feel a bit stuck with it. It wouldn't be bad except that some of the other volunteers really ticked me off this past Sunday. That is a story (and a post) all to itself though.

I no longer feel as though I have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Instead I feel burdened by the fact that I have something/somewhere too often. It is a double edged sword. I hate being bored and feeling like I have nothing, but I also hate feeling obligated to be somewhere at a certain time. I am a last minute plans kinda gal. I'm also known to change my mind and back out of something at the last minute just because I don't feel like it at that exact moment.

So right now I am wishing I could just lay in bed and rest since I feel so cruddy. Headache, sore throat, no energy, muscle aches. I thought I was having allergy issues since it all started with watery eyes and sinus issues, but it has evolved into something worse. Hub is not here and the older kids are at school and both have things going on tonight, so it is just me here with Tot, so crawling into bed and sleeping the illness away is not an option.

I know the stress I was feeling last week has contributed to me being sick. Stress weakens the immune system and makes you more prone to illness. I was seriously stressed out last week! Not just the stress of school but also financial issues. The tests are over, but the financial problems are just snowballing! What is that old saying? something about borrowing from Peter to payback Paul? That is the place we're in right now. Debt just keeps piling up because we've had to borrow money to pay bills and now the bills are due again and we still owe the money to the people we borrowed from. So, I am dealing with high stress and illness and the two just build off of each other.

I am struggling to find joy in my life right now. I'm happy with my family right now and there is joy in that. The kids are all doing well and Hub has been good and helpful in various ways. I just can't find the joy within myself.

I had really been finding myself again through some creative writing but I haven't had time for that at all either. So now I am lost again. This time I am lost under a pile of responsibilities and obligations rather than in a sea of despair. I guess that is improvement, but I still hate feeling so lost.