and we all come crashing back down to the bottom!

Today was a really stressful day and the stress of it is going to be stretching on for awhile.

It really all started back in March. Dot was arrested for possessing marijuana at school. She had never done anything like that before and hasn't done anything like that since. Honestly she has never been in any kind of trouble ever! This was all due to the influence of some new friend of hers. A friend who she is no longer allowed to hang out with.

Anyway....

A little after nine this morning there was a knock at the door. I answered it and it was someone from the sheriff's office delivering a subpoena. After five freaking months they have decided to press charges. I thought this was all a thing of the past, over and done with. I had no clue that they could take so long to take this action. Turns out they actually had two years. Ridiculous! I really didn't think anything more was going to come of this. She went to an addiction counselor (required by the school in order to get back in) who agreed that this was a one time event that she was extremely likely never to repeat. She had to do a one day education seminar about drugs. The counselor recommended that because he had to recommend something and he said that was really all she needed. So, I really thought this was over. Wrong!

I don't want Dot to have to go to juvenile detention for one stupid mistake!

Now, what makes it even worse is that I was also subpoenaed.

Turns out that when kids go to juvie here they make the parents pay child support! What kind of bullshit is that??? I am going to be punished for something I had nothing to do with. Hell, it didn't even happen on my weekend, it happened on her father's. I had already decided that the new friend was bad news and wasn't going to let Dot hang out with her anymore. Her father is the one that let her go hang out with her! Dot was arrested on one his days as well. I'm not saying it is really his fault either, because the fault really must fall on her. It was her stupid choice. But, I do think he should have been a more responsible parent.

I am struggling with the fact that I was subpoenaed and her father wasn't. He was the one that went to the school and then down to the police station and picked her up. So why do they have my information? His phone number is listed, but it has my name and address. This is total bullshit! I could understand if it listed us both, afterall we have shared custody, so that would sort of make sense. I can't understand why it only lists me though. I am thinking he intentionally listed my information at the police station. Totally something he would do!

This is just more shit I don't need in my life.

I don't have any experience with this kind of crap. Nobody in my family has ever been in trouble with the law. Everyone in his family has! That includes him, his sister, his brother, and yes even his mother! He would be way more prepared for dealing with this type of thing than me.

I don't have money for a lawyer and I don't know if he will be willing to pay for one. So Dot may be stuck with a court appointed lawyer. If they are anything like the lawyers from Legal Services (who i used in the horrible mess of a custody battle that was an epic failure for me due to the joke of a lawyer i had)... well then, Dot is royally screwed.

I have to make some calls tomorrow and figure out what the hell we are supposed to do. I am seriously clueless!

MY rock bottom

Hitting rock bottom is a term most often associated with drugs or alcohol. Neither of these things were factors in my fall. For me hitting rock bottom was a matter of failure. Failing to keep a good relationship with my husband. Failing to be an example of a good, responsible adult to my children. Failing to keep my job. Failing to be a truly good person. Failing as a person. Personal failure. Financial failure. Spiritual failure.

Failing = Falling


It's a frightening thing to wake up one day and realize you have no money. NONE! No way to pay the rent, the bills, or even to buy food. Even more frightening is the realization that you have done this to yourself and your family and you somehow failed to see what was happening until it was too late.

For me, this is rock bottom and the rocks are sharp and painful.