insert HUGE SIGH here

I applied for a job that I really wanted and I know I would have been perfect for.
I felt really good about my chances.
I was seriously PERFECT for this job.
It was perfect for me.
The job is no longer listed and I never got a call.
(((SIGH)))

I had a lot of hope hanging on the idea that they were sure to call me.
I was sure this job was exactly what I needed to turn things around.
It was more than a financial need.
This would have provided me with something that I am missing deep down inside.
It could have restored my faith in myself and in my abilities.
(((SIGH)))

shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!!!!!

Have you ever tried to read instructions when there are two loud, rowdy people wrestling two feet behind you?

Have you ever tried to assemble your ideas into a cohesive thought and attempt to write them into an essay when someone is watching television at a volume of 55 just three yards to your left?

I tried. I was not successful.

Trying to complete college assignments while stuck in a hotel room with other people... just not possible!

I am ready to get back to the real world.

nobody cares what you want

I am living life in the Twilight Zone. I must be. Nothing could feel more alien or surreal than my surroundings at this time. Ok, maybe I've got sci-fi stuck in the brain after my little tale I wrote earlier and I'm pulling references to obscure old television shows due to that. But seriously... this is a strange world indeed.

I am on vacation. I know what you're thinking, "but Rocki you are dead broke and in a massive depression about the financial belly-buster you took over the holidays! how the hell are you paying for a vacation?" Well, you would be very wise to think that way, except I am not paying for this little trip. Nope! It's the parents. They had this bright idea that it would be fun to take me and Tot on a little family trip for some good ol family fun. Sounds great in theory. In reality... it is more of a nightmare.

The biggest problem with going on a trip that someone esle is paying for is that it leaves you with no control of the situation. You go where they want to go and do what they want to do. So the kid would love It's a Small World cause he's weird like that... well, that is just too bad cause grandma hates it. Nosir, not happening. So you hate meat and the kid won't eat it at all, well that is too bad cause grandpa wants to go to the prime rib buffet. Wake up when they want, leave when they want, see what they want, eat what they want, do what they want and grin and be thankful through it all.

Is vacation over yet?!?!?

oh no you dih-unt

I like Sci-Fi, but I have never actually written any. Well, I did back when I was ten but that really doesn't count. That was a phase in my life where I was convinced I was a character out of Star Wars, so we try to forget that year. Why do I bring up Sci-Fi? Because Jenny Matlock decided that it would be fun to not just give us a prompt this week, but to also determine which genre we must write it in. Ya, she chose Sci-Fi. Of course based on the fact that she mixed a line from Star Wars by mentioning a galaxy far, far away with a classic line from Star Trek, I am guessing that Sci-Fi is really not her thing. Oh well, on to my rather lame attempt at re-visiting the love of my childhood, Sci-Fi. Prompt, as usual, is in color.


“You did not just say that,” I yelled in utter disbelief. We were in the middle of the park surrounded by dozens of gruesome lizard-men. A woman went running by, screaming in terror just before being laser-blasted into oblivion. Every direction we turned there was mayhem and destruction. Bulging, red lizard eyes glowed in scaly, green faces. People were being evaporated, fried, and blasted to puddles of goo. The aliens had arrived unexpectedly and they had not come in peace. Standing next to me was my son, staring up at the spaceship overhead. And what did he have to say? “Beam me up Scottie!”

lost

So I decide to rejoin the ranks of Saturday Centus only to discover we've been limited to 25 words this week. Seriously Jenny?!? 25?!? Ok, whatever you say, I can do this.

prompt is in color:

The lottery ticket slipped from my fingers and fluttered along in topsy-turvy arcs down the street. I considered chasing it, but why… it’s just one more lost dream.

stray-dog pissed on my bed

See that title? That is a metaphor for my life. It is not just a metaphor though, it actually happened. Apparently it has happened more than once.

I lay down in bed last night feeling overly tired, and just plain worn down. I am soul weary right now. To cope with that I stay awake long hours and then crash into bed when I just cannot continue to function. I realize that is not the best coping strategy but it is better than laying in bed tossing and turning and thinking. Always thinking!

So last night I fell into bed completely exhausted. I snuggled my head down into my pillow and smelled a strange smell. It was not a pleasant one for sure. I took a deep breath trying to identify the smell and considered that it could be dog pee. Too tired to do much about it, I threw the pillow on the floor and grabbed another. Pillows are in no short supply on my bed. Love, tenderness, and passion... those are rare things in my bed, but pillows not so much. Anyway, I grabbed another pillow, gave it a test sniff and decided it was safe enough. It smelled like hair which means it probably needed a washing, but it was something I could live with.

**If you have been reading this blog for awhile, actually reading it, not just reading the "juicy" posts, then you will remember that a few months ago we got a dog. It was from an abused home and someone rescued it but couldn't actually take in, so asked me to and of course I could not turn the darn thing down. So there is not actually a stray dog in my house but I refer to her as stray-dog cause that's almost what she was. It is also what she will be if she keeps pissing on my bed!!! This dog has a bit of a nervous disorder. She pees a little when she is nervous, scared, upset, or excited. It is usually just a tiny trickle that escapes. I figured the dog probably had a nervous episode on my bed and had trickled on my pillow. **

I drifted off fell fast and hard into a deep sleep for an hour or so. That is when Tot wandered into my room, as he tends to do each and every night due to the fact that the child is incapable of sleeping through the night. I turned on a movie for him and got him settled into his little place on the floor near the foot of the bed (it is the compromise we have... he can't get his squirmy, kicking, punching, sleep-talking self into the bed with me but he can stay in the room) and went back to bed myself. That is when the odor assaulted me again.

I re-tested the pillow and it still smelled only of hair. I sniffed at the other pillows and all were fine. Well, they were all dog pee free anyway. I decided to give the comforter a sniff. Oh dear lord!!! That was it. The dog had pissed on the bed and had hit my pillow and my big, fluffy comforter. I threw it off and managed the rest of the night with some scraggly old blanket that I hide under the bed.

If I hadn't been in a state of near coma-like existence due to the intentional sleep deprivation method of putting myself into a deep sleep each night, then I probably would have checked the entire bed for dog pee. As it was, I figured I would just shower in the morning anyway and since nothing felt wet surely it was ok. It stood to reason that if stray-dog hit the comforter and the pillow that the rest of the bed had probably been shielded.

This morning after getting up, taking a power-shower, and getting Tot ready for school, I grabbed the comforter to throw in the wash. I went back into my room to finish getting myself ready for the day and stray-dog followed me in. She hopped up on the bed and sat down. I thought nothing of it. I fumbled around in my way too messy closet for a shirt and when I turned around there was stray-dog squatted down on my bed! I guess she had decided that since I had cleaned up her handy work that she needed to replace it. There she was pouring out gallons of piss, quite intentionally, all over my bed!!! This was no accidental nervous trickle.

I guess the dog has decided that my bed is her territory and she felt the need to mark it. Now I'm stuck with cleaning the whole damn mattress instead of just washing sheets, pillows, and blankets.

The life metaphor? Once again someone pisses all over me and I am left to clean up the mess!

down, down, down

I have once again let the pressure of giving at Christmas take me deeper into a financial hole. It makes me feel so good to give to people. Then I am left with this horrible feeling of failure for not being able to stay afloat afterwards.

I am seriously sinking here. I thought I had money coming from Hubs. He had told me he would put money in my bank account. Thinking that, I went ahead and withdrew $200 that wasn't in there to buy Christmas gifts. I ended up with a $35 overdraft charge and then because I didn't bring the account into the positive within a week I got another $35 charged for an EXTENDED overdraft fee! Now I am $270 in the hole with no way to bring the account back up unless we don't eat for a month.

I felt so good on Christmas morning watching my kids enjoy their gifts!

Now I feel like a total loser because I am feeding them peanut butter and jelly, and macNcheese every night.

Life sucks no matter what I do. I am falling into a really bad depression right now. REALLY REALLY bad!