Cry

Most days I do pretty well. Emotionally. Physically. Mentally.

Then there are the days in which I just want to cry. Nothing really happens to bring it on. No major tragedies have struck. Nothing has changed.

It is internal.

My heart, my soul is too full and it feels as though it must overflow. This overflowing comes in the form of a downpour of tears. The tears are healing. They renew me. They put me back in balance.

However, until they flow I feel heavy. Burdened. I am simply too full.

Full of what I do not know.

I only know that there is too much of something, maybe everything, inside of me and it must be released.

Today is one of those days. The weight of it all... whether all equals nothing, something, or everything... is too much to bear. It is crushing me from the inside out. I feel heavy. My heart. My soul. My body. My mind. My emotions. Every inch of me is burdened with this weight.

There is too much and it is crushing me.

I need release.

I need to cry and cry and cry until there are no more tears. No more heaviness. No more burden. No more of anything left to make me feel this way.

Another burden piles upon it all though. The burden of holding it all together. Keeping it all inside. Because no one can see this release. It is personal. It is too much for those I love and care about to witness. And so I keep the weight inside. I carry the burden and hold in the tears. I protect those I love from seeing me fall apart.

My heart and soul continue to be crushed under this weight. Until...

Until I can find time. Precious time. Time to be alone and let go. Let go the burden. Let go the crushing weight that is sucking me down further and further into madness. Until I can set myself free.

If only that time would come.

Until then....

I just want to cry.