Why must I change the parts of my life that I love in order to change the parts that I hate?
I love staying home with Tot. I love that I am the one who wakes him in the morning. I am the one who feeds him breakfast and gets him dressed. I am the one who plays with him, teaches him, nurtures him. I am the one that cares for him all day long. I love to be the number one person in his life. The one he counts on for nearly everything. The one who will teach him to become a good person, a loving person, a caring person, a person who is reliable and honest.
I love having time to spend with Dot and Sonny in the summers. I love being able to take them to the pool or the park. To a museum or a picnic. I love that during the school year I am here when they leave in the mornings and here when they come home in the afternoons. I love that I do not have to worry about where they are or who they are with.
I hate the lies and deceptions that Hub has continually forced upon me. I hate that in order to be free of them I have to give up what I love most in life. I hate that I have to find a job and go to work in order for both he and I to know that I could leave him. I hate that I have to trust my children to strangers in order to do this.
