In my former tales of the past there was a lot of confusion going on within me. There was also disgust with myself over it all. This tale, this event, is quite different.
For one thing the other tale ended with Jesse, the guy I had wanted, using me. Okay, yes.... Hub and I had used him too. For some reason I had thought that I meant at least a little something more to him than just a good f*ck though. In the end I had been wrong about that. It wasn't that I needed to be more than that, I just wish I had known that I wasn't. Somehow I would have been far more "okay" with it, if I had just known and been prepared for that. I didn't think there would ever be another time, but at least I knew that if there ever was that I would be totally prepared for whatever happened. I knew what to expect.
The fact is, there was another time. It was not what I expected though and I certainly was not prepared for what happened.
The tale of my experience with Jesse is far different from the tale of my experience with.......
Shit! What do I call him???
Somehow I cannot imagine him by any name other than his own. I have to though. True identities have not and will not be revealed here on The Rocks. And so I will call him Jack even though it doesn't really suit him. (i seem to have a thing for J names)
As I was saying... my experience with Jesse could not have been more different than my experience with Jack. As you will soon learn.....
4 comments:
I have read your blog in its entirety and I call BS on you.
You cheat on your husband, then say you never did... you engage in sex with other men & your husband and then again with just these other lovers.... you are either making it up or doing so because you want to. You say it's to keep your husband, but NOBODY does those things to keep a cheating sex addict and liar- nobody.
This idea of your life on the rocks is a load of crap. You're living the life you want. Otherwise you could have left years ago and had a much happier life and you had other options as well- but chose cheating and illicit sex.
Why not just become a call girl for him? You seem to love everything else.
BTW, I do like your writing style and you have ability as such. Your blog reminds me of Fear of Flying. You could take this blog and turn it into a trashy novel. Actually, I think it would be popular. Especially the 'little miss innocent' role you try and play.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion... even you and yours which is totally wrong.
I would like to know where you have gotten the idea that I cheat on my husband? I do not. There was one time a few years ago, not long after I had started this blog. I cheated one time in an attempt at revenge and to make myself feel better. It made me feel worse and also made me realize how much I only want my husband.
The 'event' with Jack was not me cheating, it was one more situation that included my husband. As you will see when I actually write about it, I did let my heart slip. So if you want to call that cheating, then go ahead and do so.
Also... women can and do compromise their morals and do things out of the norm in order to hold onto men who are not worth holding onto. Look at all the women who lie and hide things in order to hold onto men who physically abuse them. It happens. I am not proud of the things I have done. I do not enjoy that I have compromised my morality in an attempt to hold onto a man who does not deserve me. My past is ugly, but IT IS MY PAST.
You can choose to believe me or keep on thinking I am full of shit. I know the truth and as this blog's number one priority is to give me a place to purge myself of the evils in my life, then my knowing is all that matters. If you want to read it for some entertainment value, to read it so you can feel superior to someone you deem a liar, or not read it at all that is up to you and I wish you well.
Now I have just one more thing to say on this.
As for me living the life I want to live....
I have not had sex in two years.
I have a child with behavioral and mental problems.
I have a husband I cannot and do not trust.
I have a teenage daughter who was arrested for marijuana possession.
I have a teenage son who suffers from depression and due to a family history of suicide (you probably think i am making that one up too) I worry about him everyday!
We are two months behind on paying the electric bill and I pray for cold weather everyday so they cannot shut it off.
I have no idea if we are going to have enough to pay rent for December and still be able to put gas in the car and food on the table.
I have had to go to the food bank multiple times in order to feed my children.
Ya, this is the life I want to be living!
Oh Rocki... haven't been reading as much... Its so unbelievable how many parallels there are to our situations. The kids with special needs... swinging... ugh... (not with my h though), but with a man that I actually still miss.
I miss that suppurating whore. Isn't that sad? not, that I'd ever see him again. I wouldn't.
To idiot BP, above, if you happen to see it? guess what? you are wrong. zillions of women do all sorts of things that they wouldn't normally do to hang onto their marriages. And some do things, just to make do. But, why do you feel compelled to say such nasty things is more to the point.
I wonder if Jack is really a Jonathan... like my predator. (you don't have to say, and I don't give a rat's ass if anyone sees this and somehow divines that this is that particular Jonathan, out of thousands.)
such a beautiful name for a beautiful, but soulless man. I did care about him though.
Thanks Lexie!
and no, not your Jonathan or any Jonathan. I really need to finish writing about this to get it out of me. I have to get out of this funk first though. It is happening little by little... I am rising up out of it.
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