I've noticed Hubs lies are increasing. Not the ones that involve the SA. It's the little ones. The ones where he just makes crap up and tries to pass it for truth.
He's always done this. I didn't know that at first. It took me about a year to catch on to it. I am not sure why he does it. He'll make something completely up and tell people it happened. One of the first lies I ever caught onto was when he'd told someone how much he made and it was way more than he actually did make. I didn't think much of it because I think there are a lot of people who do that. Then I noticed he would tell people about a conversation he'd had and he would tell them he said things he didn't actually say. Or he would tell a story about his past and then I would find out later it never actually happened.
The big one, the one that finally made me realize that he has some sort of problem was the one about dyslexia. He had told me and a few other people he was dyslexic. I believed him but then over time I saw him read and write with no trouble at all. I know people can overcome dyslexia, but not to the point that he would have had to overcome it. He reads and writes perfectly. I've made the comment to him that he sure did manage to overcome it well. I've said it in a sarcastic tone that made it obvious I didn't believe him, but he holds to the story.
The next really big one I came across was his divorce. He was married before and the story he told me of how, when and why he got divorced does not hold up with what I have learned since. He completely lied about it all. I won't get into the details much, but the truth doesn't make him look good. I would have been surprised by that years ago. Now it doesn't surprise me at all though. He is a jerk and a creep. Proven fact.
There were times he would tell me about a conversation he had at work. The things that he claims to have said I know had to be total crap. There are things he claims to have told bosses that would have gotten him fired. Without a doubt. Things that there are no way anyone could say to a boss and not get fired.
Lately though, it has gotten worse. He was telling me that he'd said something to someone just a few weeks ago. I was there at the time. I was standing right next to him. He did NOT say the things he is claiming to have said. That's pretty typical. But this is the first time that I was actually right there where I heard everything said. He has to know that I know damn well he didn't say what he is claiming. I was right next to him! I even told him a couple days ago that I didn't hear him say that and I was right next to him at the time. His answer to that? "well, i don't know why you didn't hear it. you should have. you were right there. maybe it was because i was turned away from you when i said it". What? Are you kidding me? I was right next to him. Even if his head was on backwards I would have heard what he was saying. He did not say the things he claims.
This is new for me. This whole thing of sticking to a lie that I know for sure is a lie since I was there. He knows that I am aware it's a lie. That I know it's a lie. So why stick to it? Why? What is the big deal? I believe he thinks that what he's claiming to have said makes him seem tough and cool. It actually makes him seem like an asshole. If he'd actually said what he is claiming it would have been embarrassing and rude. And it would have been said in front of my entire family which would have made it worse. I am actually glad he didn't say it. So why lie and say he did???
I don't think he has a real grasp on reality anymore. I don't think he can tell the difference between fantasy and the truth anymore. I believe his lies have become truth in his mind. They say if you tell a lie enough times you start to believe it yourself. I believe that has happened with Hub. The lies aren't lies to him, they are facts in his own mind.
I don't think it's healthy for me to be around him much longer.
5 comments:
Sorry...the lying WILL make you crazy...
My Husband same-same...HOW is your H. w/ SA addiction/recovery?
S-Mum,
sadly he isn't doing the recovery. not at all. not with a group. not on his own. not online. not in real life. nothing!
but then...i am doing the same. nothing. once again trying to ignore it all and act like like is not all fecked up.
My mother is a pathological liar, too. I don't think she's ever NOT told a boss to "fuck off" only to have the boss realize that she is completely correct, said boss was being an absolutely fucker, and said boss came around to see pathological liar's way and she still kept her job - nay, got a promotion!
Don't even ask me what motivates these people. I've zero idea. It is simply pathological. They don't even know they are doing it half the time.
My kick in the pants with Bowser is that having lived with a pathological liar for my childhood, I'd thought I could spot a lie a mile away. However, Egg Donor's lies were so overt and out there and Bowser's were sly, subtle little things with many more barbs.
Honesty is a rare and hot commodity.
Don't you sometimes feel like your head is spinning around and around a la' Poltergeist when you deal with your SA?
Thank goodness you are able to start to see through him. Truth shall set you free. Or, as dear Hazel from the JWC recently told me: "The original is, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."
The parody I like is, "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall piss you off." (0r make you miserable).
The proposed codie version is;
You shall know the truth, and it shall freak you the hell out."
She's so funny!
At least the truth helps you make better choices for yourself.
(((hugs)))
Did he ever say YOU said things you didn't? for example you insisted on a 2 year mobile phone contract when you know in your heart you have always wanted pre-pay and you know for a fact you would never have insisted on such a thing? My SA did that to the point I would think I was mad and strange uncontrollable utterances must be blurting out of my mouth without me knowing.
Fi,
ya, there have been times he swears I said something that I swear I didn't. And it does make you question yourself.
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