Life is Life

I keep meaning to come here and write about The Event. I will get to it eventually. It is funny how a certain time of year can bring on the memories so vividly and then a few days pass and it all just floats back into the haziness of the past. I will get to it though, I promise. I know people would rather read the questionable details of my past than the mundane ramblings of my boring present. This blog is for me though so I will get to it in my own time. Whenever the memories sneak back up on me, and they will.

Right now life is just.... life.

There is nothing major going on. Things aren't good and they aren't bad. The marriage is still just one of convenience. Convenient in that he pays the bills and helps out with Tot in those moments when I just can't take the kid anymore. Don't get me wrong.... I love Tot and most times with him are great. But.... you don't have a kids with his issues and behaviors and never have moments when you feel like you have had enough and need a mental and physical break from it all.

It is actually kind of funny just how mundane things have gotten since I have chosen to just ignore Hubs SA crap. I live my life and he lives his. Mine is a sexless life, which is something I NEVER thought I would/could do. His is a life of virtual sex as in internet smut, phone calls, and a lot of time with his own damn hand. Whatever. I don't want him touching me anymore so have at yourself Hubs.

Like I said, life is mundane. It is the little things that irritate me now since I don't let the big shit get to me anymore. Like.... pick up your nasty socks of the floor and take them to the laundry room cause I don't want to touch those things! Even worse is the... get your disgusting underwear out of the bathroom cause there is no way in hell I am touching those and they are sitting in front of the heater vent cooking up a stink. (who does that?!?)

Right now I am annoyed because I was going to sign up to chaperone on Tot's field trip he has coming up next month but Hubs filled out the form and signed himself up to do it. He asked for the day off work so he could. I guess I should be glad he is such an involved dad but of all the field trips (and Tot's class does a LOT of them. I think his teacher doesn't like to have to actually teach) there were only two that sounded fun and this is one of them. Both Dot and Sonny did fieldtrips to this place years ago and I chaperoned both of their trips there. It was kind of my thing. I thought it would be cool to say I did it for all three of my kids, but I guess that isn't going to happen. Sure, Hubs and I could both go but that would mean spending time with Hubs and I would rather not.

I do my best to avoid contact with him unless it is necessary. It is sorting of like living with someone you are divorced from. It is weird, but sometimes necessary. Until I finish school I just cannot work full time. I need him to pay the bills. On that front things are, or at least should be, looking up. He FINALLY got a good job. Once he gave up the idea of ever working in pro sports again he was able to find something else he could do and is actually good at. He is rising up in the ranks fairly quickly so promotions and pay increases have come along. We are still not where we need to be financially but it is getting better. We can almost pay all the bills each month now. After sticking with him through the worst of the SA shit and the worst of the financial shit, I hate the idea of leaving now that he is actually starting to make some money. Why stick around through the hard financial times just to miss out when they eventually get good? That may sound like I am a gold-digger (ha!) or a user, but honestly for all I have put up with over the years I deserve a little time sitting on my ass having him take care of me.

So that is it. Life is just a series of mundane annoyances and occasional good moments. Boring but somewhat stable for now.