Sunday, June 20, 2010

What I am

I am a petty, jealous and bitter person. Just thought I should get that out there.

When other people get to do fun things that I can't afford to do...
it pisses me off!

When my ex buys something for the kids that I wanted to get them but couldn't...
it pisses me off!

When someone goes on a fantastic vacation I am not at all happy for them because I am too pissed off that I didn't get to go.

When my kids are all excited because their father and step mother took them to do something fun and cool, I am bitter because I wasn't the one that got to take them.

I hate that I am this way. I really do. That doesn't change things though.
Knowing that I am wrong to be so petty, jealous and bitter does nothing to keep me from actually being that way.
And that pisses me off too.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Rocki (cue the soundtrack!)

I don't know if that's pettiness, or just being human. I think that's such a natural response... I wonder if you could ease up on yourself a bit? Life is pretty hard right now, so maybe it's more than just the money you're envying-- maybe it's also the very idea of being carefree and on vacation? Dunno... but that's what came up for me when I read this.

Big hugs to you.

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