I feel so bad right now. Not bad as in sick or hurt or even hurt feelings. Just bad.
I have no energy and no desire to do a damn thing. It is not depression, even though those are signs of it. Depression would be something and this is just... nothing.
I feel nothing but bad. Just bad. And lazy... I guess I feel that too.
I don't want to do a damn thing. I don't even want to sleep, which is typically what I do when I want to do nothing. And cry, I guess. I feel like I could cry, and cry, and cry. I could cry for days and still not be done.
I just don't feel like existing right now. In a sense I already feel like I don't exist. I am here but..... am I really here?
I am nothing... and that is bad.
1 thoughts shared:
Oh honey, I know exactly what you mean as this has been a frequent feeling for me as well...
I asked my shrink what the hell is wrong with me and she told me that it IS depression. In fact, I am always amazed when "depressed" people can get so much done. For me, it puts me into a state of utter catatonia sometimes.
One can have this kind of depression and have a so-called perfect life, but you have enough in your life to trigger it, whether you have a predisposition towards depression or not.
Do you have a talk therapist and/or have you tried some meds? I take wellbutrin which does not cause any weight gain and I think it helps, at least take the edge off of it, just so that I feel like I can do SOMETHING... something to further ME. When I am doing something to further my unstuckness or helping others, it helps, too.
In the meantime, perhaps try this. Do just one thing. One thing that you normally enjoy. Sometimes when I'm feeling overwhelmed with life, I find that doing that one thing, gets me a little bit more unstuck, but sometimes I'm just too stuck to do it and it feels like such a tremendous effort, to do the smallest thing-- like take a shower... Oh, I know...
Or... you could just allow yourself the time to do nothing. We demand so much from ourselves and put undue pressures on ourselves to always be doing SOMETHING. But, its summer... make an iced coffee... and sit outside and watch the puffy clouds drift by... and dream... or whatever small pleasure you enjoy.
xo ~ L
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